Far, far away from the hustle and bustle of Hollywood lies Ronda Rousey’s dirt road paradise.
Mochi is a 10-year old purebred Dogo Argentino.
I’m Ronda’s homegirl. The mascot of that crazy chick’s life. We’ve been through it all. Even though I share her with an entire farm and my knucklehead little brother Chunk, I’m still her ride or die. If you ever need anything, I’m here to listen. I’ll even lick up your tears if I have to.
“Mochi was my replacement boyfriend for many years until Trav came into my life. We had some hard days together. We’ve been broke together, we’ve been rich together, we’ve slept in cars together, we’ve slept in mansions together. She’s been with me since the beginning.
Chunk is a 1-year old South African Boerboel dog.
Hey new person, let’s play! I pick this up, you try to take it. OK? My name Chunk. Hey! I love Ronda. I love tall dude Trav. Hey! Pax is friend. Funny lookin’ dog. I grab horn. I grab tail. He hit me with head in my tummy. I hit with my head. My head bigger. Haha. I’m Chunk.
“He’s so big and durable and knuckle-headed like, you could literally punch that dog in the face as hard as you could and it would only depend on your expression whether he would enjoy it or feel bad.”
Milly is a 13-year-old mammoth Jenny donkey.
Hi, I’m Milly. Who are you? Why are you here? What are your intentions? I’m not sure about letting you get close to me. If I let you into
“If I’m home for a while, she gets super clingy and wherever I go she follows me, always putting her head on me. If I leave for like a week or two, she gets pissed. It’s not like a dog where you come back home and it’s like, ‘Oh my God, you’re home. I’m so happy you’re back.’ She like gives you the cold shoulder for a little while,’Oh, you’re back? It was so easy for you to leave.'”
Max is a 2.5-year-old purebred alpine goat.
“Max is the oldest of all of them. He had his balls for a year and a half so, he had a beard and longer horns but he’s lost most of his facial hair and bangs since moving to Riverside. Max was kind of a dick, but he went from trying to challenge me to the biggest love bug.”
Pax is a 1.5 year old alpine/LaMancha mixed breed goat.
Nice to meet you, I love you! Pet me! Check out my cool Thundercats logo on my side. Doesn’t it make you want to pet me? Hey, stay away from those other goats. I can show you my horn trick! Just let me rub up against your leg. Where are you going? Come back!
“You know how a cat
Clay is an all white, floppy-eared boer alpine mixed breed goat.
Caress me. Soft pets only so I can sleep. But no, maybe I don’t want you to woo me. I shouldn’t have to tell you what I want. I’ll just be over here. Maybe I’ll bump you if I’m hungry or maybe I’m hoping you’ll just come to me and give me the attention I deserve.
“He looks similar to the goat from Don’t Mess With The Zohan when he’s like, ‘Goat!’ I think he’s the most cat-like out of all of them. He very much keeps his distance and comes up to you for loving when he wants it. It has to be on his terms.”
Totes is a cream-colored alpine male goat.
I’m waiting for my pets. I’ll give you the signal. When I nuzzle, I get the pet. When you’re with my brothers, it is also time for pet. Thank you.
“Totes is really friendly to anybody in the beginning but he’s also a little bit more aloof. When I come and I feed Rio his bottle in the morning, Totes knows that’s his time to come over and get some pets. Totes always
Rio is a male white and black saber/alpine mixed breed goat.
Bottle. Bottle. Hey, where’s that bottle? I know you’re holding. Stop petting Totes and give me that bottle. I will also accept the pets. Pets and food at same time, please.
“Every morning, I have bottle time with Rio and loving time with Totes. Usually, Milly is standing outside of the pen looking at me all jealous because she can’t get in there and get some pets too.”
Kobe is a purebred Wagyu steer from a Japanese bloodline.
Sup, brah? It’s super chill over here. I got a couple of cold ones and pounds upon pounds of grass. Pop a top, pop a squat and we get massaged around the clock, dude. This gnarly goat comes around here sometimes and runs into my leg. Haha, he’s funny.
“Our Prince of the Property. He gets to lay out in the sunshine and has his little shady part with a nice breeze. He really does live the good life. We come out, we brush him, we massage him every day, we even give him
Belina is the $700 Silkie breed hen.
“Belina really, really, really badly wants to have babies. Any eggs. Please give me babies. She’s always in the coop sitting on the eggs whether they are hers or not. Usually not hers
Romie is the oldest of the chickens and a Dominique breed hen.
Oh, darlin’. The things I’ve seen in my long years. Bawk,
“She has a bald spot on her back. She looks like an old lady now. She’s really, really cool. Romie’s the first to walk up to you and jump on your lap and like, jump on your head. She likes to perch on people.”
Chansey is a Rhode Island Red hen.
Gotta’ lay eggs. Gotta’ eat eggs. Gotta’ lay eggs. Gotta’ eat eggs. Bawk,
“She works hardest and lays the most, but she’s also a big
Pidgey is an Americana hen and also a Pokemon.
Bawk, bawk. Squawk trash and get pecked. Bawk, bawk. I’ll use my tackle. It’s super effective. Bawk.
“She went blind in one eye but she got it back. I think Pidgey got beat up after fighting for a place to sleep. We thought her eye got pecked out. Pidgey really is a fighter. We thought she was gonna’ die a couple of times and she’s t
Patches is an Olive Egger breed hen.
Get out of the way! I’m the
“Patches is the alpha hen. She’s King Ding-A-Ling. We had no more roosters so Patches, originally the smallest one because she was a baby when we got her, and she was just super tough. Hung in there. Now she’s the one mounting on Roamie and giving her bald spots on her back.”
Koopa is an Egyptian Fayoumis hen.
Watch out. Bawk. Right now I’m just a Koopa kid. Bawk,
“She’s one of the younger ones. We got Koopa, Goomba and Yoshi all together. We’re pretty sure Koopa is going to take over as King Ding-A-Ling at some point. I don’t know, Patches is holding on for dear life. They’re really cliquey.”
Goomba is an Australian Australorp hen.
Normally, a Goomba get’s overlooked. Bawk. Walked over. Bawk, bawk. But if you don’t look down at the ground. Bawk. You may miss how beautiful I am.
“Black and copper with like, a really cool iridescent look. Goomba is really cool. Just a really, really beautiful hen. I was kind of already in the WWE when we got them so they’re a little bit
Yoshi is a silver-laced Wyandotte hen.
Eggs. Ba-cock. Like the green dinosaur in Mario. Bawk, bawk. Just droppin’ eggs and lookin’ good doin’ it. Bawk.
“She lays a lot. She lays at least one egg a day. Pretty girl. I think Yoshi and Goomba are two of the prettiest.”
Shnookums is a crested Polish Bantam hen.
“Shnookums ended up being a loner and because of all the other chickens being so territorial and seeing her best friend Snowball being murdered in front of her by ducks, she became big on jumping and perching on us to get away from the other hens picking on her.”
Ozma is a California white hen.
Bawk, bawk. Run away. Bawk, bawk. Come back and hide. Bawk. Oops, she stood up let’s run away, y’all. Bawk. Alright, she’s sitting it’s safe again.
“If I’m standing up, they run away from me. If I squat down, they come and hide behind me because when I would sit there in the coop on my little stool, I would put them behind me and not let any of the other chickens or turkeys mess with them.”
Fraggle is a male Rouen duck.
What’s quackin’? It’s all good. I just kind of lurk around the outside. Patrol the perimeter of the pond and what-not. Maybe I’m just really cool or maybe I’m waiting on my opportunity to take over the flock’s leadership. …But perhaps I’ve quacked too much.
“Fraggle is the biggest of the Rouen males so he kind of gets bullied the most because I think he threatens
Freckle is a male Rouen duck.
Hey, wait up! I’m just a little guy! My flappers aren’t that fast. Quack. I’m glad I can sneak around that big bully Alfonso. I like quacking with Mary and Jane. They’re so calm.
“Freckle is the smallest of the Rouen males. Because I think he’s so small and kind of like a runt, he’s the one that Alfonso and Alfalfa tolerate around the girls the most.”
Ethel is a female Rouen duck.
… … … Just kidding. Quack! Did I get you? Haha, I’m not dead. You just got pranked so hard. I quack myself up. I get Ronda with that all the time. With all the craziness that goes on at Browsey Acres, sometimes faking death is the only way a girl can get some rest around here!
“Ethel is the duck that fakes sick. I pick her up and she doesn’t move. I’m like, ‘Oh my God, my duck broke!’ I put her down on the lawn and she won’t move. I’m like, ‘Trav, the duck’s dying. There’s something wrong with the duck!’ We race all the way to the doctor’s office. They take the duck. They call us in the room. The vet walks in and the duck walks in right after her. She’s like, ‘I don’t know what to tell you. It’s a duck.'”
Alfalfa is a male Khaki Campbell duck with a genetic defect.
Check out my sick mohawk. My parents say my skull is quacked but I just dig the style. Quack! Besides, it makes me stand out from all these other little rascals.
“He’s named as such because he has a crest at the top of his head that we found out is actually caused by a gap in his skull or something like that? It’s actually a genetic defect you’re not supposed to breed for. He’s pretty much second in command to King Ding-A-Ling Alfonso.”
Alfonzo is a male Khaki Campbell duck.
I run this whole damn ranch, got it quack? Not one seed is eaten or one webbed toe wiggled without me knowin’ about it. Period. No quack back. I’ve got everything going for me and more ladies than I can count. I don’t see anything bad at all happening to me anytime soon.
“When we first put the pond in, all the ducks were so happy and immediately Alfonzo jumps in and starts trying to hump all the girls. You’re going to contribute to the ranch. You’re either going to contribute to it a little bit every day, or all at once. The first one to pay is going to be Alfonzo because he’s the one having the best time.”
Mary is a female Khaki Campbell duck.
Have you ever like, realized that the more you quack, like, the more it seems to lose all of its meaning? Like, is it even a word, dude? …Quack. …
Jane is a female Khaki Campbell duck.
I tried to tell the others about the weird ducks with the tiny triangles for bills but they just thought I was a quack. I totally saw them. Totally. Then, there were these giant fat ones with red, saggy necks. No one believes me but Mary. I’m freaking the quack out.
“Mary, Jane, Ethel, Alfalfa and Alphonso are usually in a group with Freckle a little bit on the outside and the boys bullying Freckle away. Then, Fraggle is way on the outside because he’s just too cool and too threatening to Alphonso.”
Easter is a turkey.
Gobble, gobble. Food. Is this food? Gobble. Ate it anyway. Gobble. Where’s the other holidays? Food. Holiday. Food. Gobble.
“I was going to name them all holidays. I was going to name them Easter, New Years and Christmas but I was like, ‘There are four of hem and I was missing one so ok fine, I’ll have Easter and Travis can have Leg, Wing, and Thigh.”
Leg is a turkey.
Food. Gobble. Poop. Gobble. Stupid chicken. Gobble, gobble! …. …. Food. Gobble. Poop. Gobble. There’s Ronda. Poop.
“They’re all of course turkeys we’re going to eat. They don’t really lay eggs, we’re pretty much just waiting for them to get mature enough to eat them. They live the good life. They’re all ladies and they eat a massive amount of food.”
Wing is a turkey.
I’m pooping. I’m eating. Gobble. Is that food? Am I pooping? Gobble, gobble. That’s a scab. I ate it. Gobble. That’s a freckle. I ate it. Wait. Gobble. It’s still there. I ate it. It’s still there. I ate it. It’s still there…
“Turkeys are cool. They’re like little dinosaurs and they love to eat. So, if you’re not sitting there feeding them constantly they’ll peck at like, the freckle on your leg. Or your hair. You have a little scab on your arm, they’re like, ‘Mmm, what’s that?!'”
Thigh is a turkey.
Gobble, gobble. Food. Gobble. Follow food. Gobble. Is this poop food? No, that’s poop poop. Gobble. Food. Follow food. Gobble. Ow. I ran into a fence. Gobble. Ow. This fence won’t move. Gobble. ….Maybe I eat fence?
“They’re so dumb. ‘Hey look, there’s a fence right here. I only need to walk around it to get to the other side.’ They’re going to pace back and forth in the same six inches of the fence and not understand why they can’t walk through it for like an hour before they walk around that fence.”
Check out Ronda Rousey talking about how Browsey Acres all began.