RAW Results and Recap: Christmas Lights and Street Fights
It was season’s beatings in Sacramento on Christmas Eve for Monday night RAW. Would there be a little drummer boy? Maybe the Trans-Siberian Orchestra could make an appearance to jingle our bells with headbanging. Of course, neither of them showed up. Instead, we got Elias demanding silence and wishing Bobby Lashley disappeared like Kevin McCallister’s parents in Home Alone.
Elias def. Bobby Lashley
His evil intent conjured Lashley like some sort of chaos magic and a Miracle on 34th Street fight was underway. Elias quickly switched from a yuletide bard to weaponizing holiday spirit by using a Christmas tree as a blunt object. Lio Rush, Lashley’s helper elf, stole the candy cane kendo stick from him before he could inflict further damage.
After knocking Rush off the apron through a table, a literal nutcracker with help from a bowling bowl, and destroying a cello over Lashley’s LEGO-impaled back, Elias got the three count. Adding insult to injury, he force-fed Rush dry cookies then poured eggnog all over him. Oh, the irony.
Bobby Roode and Chad Gable (c) def. The Revival
The tinsel terror got traded in for good
Dawson took charge by kicking and punching Gable over and over as if he was a Weeble that wobbles but doesn’t fall down. Do stores still sell those? He kept the advantage with dastardly ringcraft until Roode snatched that hot tag up like fresh-baked cookies and started cleaning house. After that, there was basically no looking back.
In the end, the bombastic flash and synergy of Roode and Gable led to a truly glorious victory and allowed them to make sure they have a shiny tree topper this Christmas: Their tag team titles. Enjoy your coal, Revival.
Before his opponents walked out, Drew McIntyre had some stuff to get off his chiseled and hairy chest. The “Scottish Psychopath” growled a gruff rant with wildlife metaphors which showcased himself as a predator and ended with a vow that he’d main event WrestleMania against the prey.
Finn Bálor def. Drew McIntyre and Dolph Ziggler
McIntyre proved he could walk the walk as well as talk the talk for a while once the triple threat match started before Finn Bálor and Dolph Ziggler wisely sent him to the outside. Although, it wouldn’t be long until they were all out there in McIntyre’s habitat and he was back to being the alpha.
The RAW ring became a revolving door of pain with McIntyre as the enforcer. Ziggler would rush in, golden locks flapping with his every effort, before getting smashed and tossed outside. The same fate would be dealt out on Bálor.
Hope would not be lost, Bálor turns the tides with a Slingblade and an apron roundhouse kick. Even a minor interference by Ziggler couldn’t halt the Irish dynamo’s momentum. After landing the Coup de Grâce on Dolph, Bálor stomped his way to a hand raise. McIntyre was so pissed he attacked Ziggler afterward but it totally backfired.
Hmm, If only there was a way they could solve this issue?
Vince McMahon suddenly showed up with Bad Santa vibes to unwrap some surprises for the RAW fans. While you can’t see him now, John Cena is returning, the RAW Women’s Tag Team champions will be decided, and Mcintyre will be able to take out his frustrations on Ziggler in a steel cage match next Monday on RAW.
Sasha Banks, Bayley and Ember Moon def. Mickie James, Dana Brooke and Alicia Fox
It will be difficult to get the image of wrestling’s drunk uncle cosplaying as Santa out of our heads and replace them with dancing sugar plums, but this six-woman tag team bout might
Dana Brooke tried to take advantage of a Mickie James and Alicia Fox double team that slowed Moon down, but Bayley got tagged in. Chaos ensued and things got one-sided real quick.
We’re talking an Eclipse, Bank Statement, Bayley-to-Belly, cut to a GIF of Oprah screaming, “You get a signature move, you get a signature move, you all get signature moves!” Banks, Bayley and Moon got the win but their celebration was cut short by The
As if we weren’t serenaded by Elias enough earlier in the evening, the infamous Paul Heyman stood the middle of the ring and belted out a haunting remix of Silent Night. After his cleverly re-written rendition, Heyman went on a diatribe all about Braun Strowman on behalf of his client Brock Lensar.
The tune changed quickly when Strowman’s music hit and turned Heyman all floppy-lipped. The towering mountain of menace didn’t hurt the man, all he did was dress Heyman up like Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer which was still somehow terrifying. Speaking of scary, Strowman challenges Lesnar for the WWE Universal Title at the Royal Rumble.
Ronda Rousey (c) def. Natalya
You can read about this emotional match and all the implications of it right here.
Heath Slater def. Jinder Mahal via DQ
Poor Heath Slater had to work to support his kids on Christmas Eve and it just happened to be against Jinder Mahal, who resembles a bronze sculpture brought to life. Just as the match got underway, Santa Clause (not Vince McMahon) started walking around handing out gifts to fans.
The Singh brothers used the jolly distraction to interfere immediately but the eagle-eyed referee saw that bedlam had fallen upon the bout and disqualified Mahal. The beating didn’t stop with the bell, but luckily Saint Nick was there to lend a helping hand. Santa rocketed into Mahal like a sled in a snowstorm with a Gore and revealed himself to be Rhyno.
That should put everyone in the Christmas “spearit”.
Seth Rollins def. Baron Corbin
To top everything off, it was The Architect against The (former) General Manager in an epic “shirts versus skins” match. Even though he’s had all authoritative powers stripped, Baron Corbin takes his job so seriously that he still wrestles in suit pants and a button down. Somehow in a sport where neon frills and facepaint is the norm, that outfit is still strange.
Seth Rollins is a man who doesn’t care about the outfit of his opponent, or much of anything else for that matter other than winning. He’s a madman, as evident by the double suicide dives he pulled off in this match. Just when the tenacity of Rollins seemed to be unstoppable, Corbin used the bitterness toward losing employment to fuel a short-lived comeback.
Unencumbered by Corbin’s offense or by fabric, Rollins would not be denied. He took his best shots and slams and answered back with ferocity. Buttons could not bind Rollins, so how could Baron? After a second attempt at a Curb Stomp, it was m