Fastlane Results and Recap: Vroom Vroom, Bitches

LaToya Ferguson
Drew McIntyre, Dean Ambrose (source: WWE)
Fastlane – March 10, 2019

The New Day (Xavier Woods & Big E) def. Shinsuke Nakamura & Rusev, on the Fastlane Kickoff Show (SmackDown)

You can watch the Fastlane Kickoff Show on YouTube and on the WWE Network.

The Usos (Jimmy Uso & Jey Uso) (c) def. The Miz & Shane McMahon, for the SmackDown Tag Team Championship (SmackDown)

Tonight, “Cleveland is AWESOME,” as hometown boy The Miz challenges for the SmackDown Tag Team Championship alongside his “co-bestie” Shane McMahon. And just like when they won the titles at the Royal Rumble, The Miz’s father is here in the front row to be their good luck charm. Also, fun fact: The Miz has never won a title in Cleveland.

Shane starts the match off with Jimmy Uso, dominance early on with some punches and arm drags. He tags Miz in to get in some tandem offense, and then Jimmy is quick to tag in his brother Jey. Again, the team of “McMiz” get in some more tandem offense, even hitting a Hart Attack on Jey.

But even with their obvious chemistry, McMiz certainly don’t have the chemistry of The Usos. And once that chemistry gets going, Shane is in trouble. But once he tags Miz back in, Miz is on fire. He even flies to the outside to take out both Usos. But when Miz hits the Skull Crushing Finale on Jimmy, the referee is too busy checking on Shane to make the count in time, and the match continues. Miz tries to get the Figure Four on Jimmy, but it’s countered.

Miz continues to fight back against The Usos, but they get the advantage, and then Shane decides to try and save the day with a Coast-to-Coast… but Jey gets on the opposite top rope to challenge him. Both men dive, but Jey blinks first and gets rocked by Shane. Then Miz goes for a beautiful frog splash, but Jey gets his knees up and pins him with an inside cradle.

After the match, as Shane and Miz leave the ring, Shane attacks Miz from behind. He even gets in Mr. Mizanin’s face, disrespecting him and his son.

Backstage, Drew McIntyre, Baron Corbin, and Bobby Lashley cut a Shield-style promo, where they promise that they’re going to prove that they’re where the power in WWE lies, not The Shield.

Elias sings about how “Cleveland’s own” The Miz just got his ass kicked by Shane McMahon… and how he’s going back to Los Angeles to hang out with his “brother,” LeBron James. Boos rain down upon him.

Asuka (c) def. Mandy Rose, for the SmackDown Women’s Championship (SmackDown)

The early part of this match is a dominant Asuka, clearly having fun at Mandy Rose’s expense. But the damn numbers game comes into play, as the third time becomes the charm in Sonya Deville’s interferences. Her third attempt at interference distracts Asuka enough for Mandy to get the advantage. But Mandy gets way too cocky and starts trash-talking Asuka during this time, and that flips a switch for Asuka. After that, Sonya tries to help Mandy by getting a kendo stick from underneath the ring. But her attempt to help only hurts, as Mandy ends up slipping on the loose ring apron (which Sonya never placed back down after getting the stick) and then getting knocked out by Asuka to end the match.

After the match, Sonya tries to apologize to Mandy, but Mandy’s not having any of it.

During the Kickoff Show, Kofi Kingston was called to Mr. McMahon’s office to discuss the WWE Championship match. But despite calling Kofi to the office over an hour again, he’s apparently been waiting outside the McMahon family office since then. According to Kofi, every time he tries to go into the office, Mr. McMahon tells him to wait outside. So Big E and Xavier Woods storm into the office with Kofi, talking him up and how much he deserves an actual title opportunity after 11 hard years in this company. Mr. McMahon then says the WWE Championship match will be a triple threat match, and Kofi better get out to the ring (where Big E and Xavier are barred from ringside) now…

The Bar (Sheamus & Cesaro) def. Kofi Kingston, in a Handicap match (SmackDown)

Despite the announcement that Kofi is out here for the WWE Championship triple threat match, once he gets to the ring, Greg Hamilton is forced to announce that the WWE Championship match is actually later tonight… and instead, Kofi will be in a two-on-one (no tags necessary) handicap match against The Bar.

And really, it’s just a beatdown. Kofi tries to fight back and take on both men at once, but this is just complete destruction. And it’s clear that The Bar are having fun, as after a Brogue Kick from Sheamus, Cesaro picks Kofi back up after getting a two-count.

Eventually, Big E and Xavier rush out to help Kofi, but they’re cut off by a sneak attack from Shinsuke Nakamura and Rusev (who The New Day beat earlier, on the Kickoff Show). The Bar defeat Kofi Kingston and The New Day are just done and out on the Road to WrestleMania.

The Boss ‘n’ Hug Connection tell Charly Caruso they “want to be the greatest tag team champions” of all time. And it starts tonight.

Elias is back at it again to sing about The New Day. “Kofi just suffered the same fate as that moron Miz.”

Kayla Braxton attempts to interview Shane McMahon about his earlier attack on The Miz, but Shane shuts the door on her, refusing to answer any of her questions.

The Revival (Scott Dawson & Dash Wilder) (c) def. Bobby Roode & Chad Gable and Aleister Black & Ricochet, in a Triple Threat Tag Team match for the RAW Tag Team Championship (RAW)

The Revival try to big league both challenging teams immediately, which only gets them beaten out of the ring just as quickly. Ricochet and Chad Gable officially start the match, but it soon becomes The Revival vs. Ricochet, keeping Ricochet in their corner. But momentum allows Gable to tag himself in on Dash Wilder, and then it’s Gable vs. Ricochet once more. And then it’s The Revival against Ricochet again. But finally, Revival is able to tag in Aleister Black, who cleans house against a newly-tagged in Bobby Roode.

And then it’s just chaos, like the rest of these teams’ recent match. It’s near impossible to keep up with all the offense, but eventually, it looks like Gable might actually win the match (against The Revival, even) for himself and Roode, only to end up eating a Shatter Machine.

After the match, The Revival can’t just win gracefully, and this leads to a brawl between all three teams where Aleister Black and Ricochet end up standing tall.

Samoa Joe (c) def. Rey Mysterio, R-Truth, and Andrade, in a Fatal 4-Way for the United States Championship (SmackDown)

This match is fast and furious from moment one—just like the previous tag team match—but Samoa Joe is definitely the most furious of the bunch.

Rey Mysterio is arguably the MVP of this match, but R-Truth and Andrade put on amazing showing as well. But while it looks like Mysterio will defeat Samoa Joe and win the United States Championship for the first time, a little hesitation after the 619 lands him in a Coquina Clutch and puts him to sleep. Joe retains.

The Boss ‘n’ Hug Connection (Sasha Banks & Bayley) def. Nia Jax & Tamina, for the WWE Women’s Tag Team Championship (RAW)

Bayley and Tamina start the match off, but Sasha Banks tags in early… and then so does Nia Jax. There are frequent tags between the champs, but soon, Nia and Tamina get the advantage—due to their power game—and they play the frequent tag game too. And they play the power game, but they get cocky, and that doesn’t bode well for them once Bayley gets going. Ultimately, it’s a hurricanrana into a pin from Bayley that gets The Boss ‘n’ Hug Connection the win, but the sore losers attack the champs after the match.

Special guest commentator Beth Phoenix then steps in to tell them this was too much, but she eventually has to start throwing hands at Tamina… and ends up getting attacked from behind by Nia. As these two continue to attack Beth, Natalya comes out to save her fellow former Diva of Doom, but she also ends up falling to Tamina and Nia.

So, WWE Championship match is still a triple threat match? It is. But who is the third competitor? Out comes Kevin Owens first, then WWE Championship Daniel Bryan (with Rowan by his side), and… Mustafa Ali.

“The New” Daniel Bryan (c) def. Kevin Owens and Mustafa Ali, in a Triple Threat match for the WWE Championship (SmackDown)

Yes, the third competitor is Mustafa Ali, the man Kofi Kingston originally replaced in the Elimination Chamber match in the first place. However, poor Ali gets booed somewhat by the WWE Universe—same for Kevin Owens—because he’s not Kofi Kingston. Bryan gets booed because they all hate him. In fact, they chant “WE WANT KOFI” to start the match. Bryan, however, believes neither man deserves to be in this match. So they form a temporary alliance to beat Bryan up and get him out of the ring, and they fight one-on-one. But the crowd still wants Kofi. Bryan gets back into the match. But they still want Kofi. They take a break from chanting for Kofi once Bryan dropkicks a top rope prone Ali nearly into the front row.

As the match goes on, the Cleveland crowd gets a lot more invested in these particular men. All three men have the advantage at different points throughout the match, with Ali hitting a standing Spanish Fly on Bryan… only for Bryan to roll out of the ring. Or for Owens to hit a Stunner on Ali… only for Bryan to break up the pin. Or Bryan kicking out of Owen’s pop-up powerbomb. Or Ali’s 450 to Bryan on the apron… where Bryan again rolls away and kicks out at two, only for Rowan to also pull him out of the ring. Both Ali and Owens then hit Rowan with a total of four superkicks, a hurricanrana (Ali), and a tope con hilo (Owens) to the outside.

But after that, Bryan hits Owens with the knee on the outside. He gets Owens back in the ring, but Ali stops Bryan from getting in himself. Ali then has Bryan’s number, but Bryan hits Ali with a pop-up powerbomb to the apron and has it won… until Rowan goes after Owens and throws Bryan into the ring. Bryan tries to take advantage and pin Ali, but he only gets a two count. And then Bryan again taunts Ali, telling him he doesn’t deserve to be here. Ali fights back, but he ends up flying into a knee from Bryan, and that’s all she wrote.

Until Rowan attacks Ali after the match, just to prove a point, apparently.

Becky Lynch def.  Charlotte Flair via Disqualification, for the fate of the WrestleMania 35 main event

You can read more about Becky Lynch punching her ticket to WrestleMania—thanks to an assist from the RAW Women’s Champion—right here.

“No More Mrs. Nice B*tch” – Quote Phase Series T-Shirt

Limited Edition: Get It Before 3/31!

Elias is back, confirming that Becky Lynch is “The Man”… but he’s not a fan. “She’s so destined for failure, I’m surprised she wasn’t born in Ohio.” As for the main event? He’s got no faith in The Shield, “kind of like every time the Browns take the field.”

And you know what? Elias actually finished his entire song, no interruptions at all. He says all the Superstars must agree that Cleveland is the worst place to have the last pay-per-view before WrestleMania. Out comes Lacey Evans, doing the usual random pop-in and pop-out, but then Elias is RKO’d out of nowhere… and then Randy Orton is Phenomenal Forearm’d out of nowhere by AJ Styles, finally getting revenge on him.

The Shield (Seth Rollins, Dean Ambrose, & Roman Reigns) def. Baron Corbin, Bobby Lashley, & Drew McIntyre (RAW)

The Shield take control the ring early before the match begins, before the match officially starts off with Rollins vs. Lashley. And The Shield easily remind everyone they could be a functioning tag team in their sleep. But it’s been six months since Reigns has wrestled a match, and now he’s in there with McIntyre, who says he’s “nothing” to him. Reigns shows him a lilttle something though, before tagging Rollins in.

Rollins ends up suffering the most at the hands of this trio, but once he tags Dean Ambrose in, the “Lunatic Fringe” gets to work. But he also stays in the ring for a very long time. He ends up eating a Claymore, but he thankfully rolls to the outside, and McIntyre and company are more than willing to take a count-out victory. Ambrose, however, rolls back in. Rollins and Reigns are done for on the outside at this point, though Reigns gets to the corner first to try and tag his brother. Then Rollins is up too. Finally, Ambrose tags “The Big Dog.”

McIntyre and Lashley try to take out Rollins again but Ambrose saves the day, and they’re all down on the outside. Then it’s just Corbin vs. Reigns one-on-one. Their teammates continue to fight in the crowd, by the Kickoff Show set. (Rollins even jumps out of the stands and into their opponents. Vintage Rollins!) Rollins and Ambrose get the advantage and make their way back to ringside, making it three-on-one… but McIntyre and Lashley come back as well for the three-on-one on Reigns. End of Days fro Corbin! One, two— Rollins and Ambrose break up the pin!

Corbin tries to get his team to hit Reigns with a Shield powerbomb on the announce table, but Rollins and Ambrose save the day. Rollins stomps Lashley, Reigns spears Corbin, then Ambrose and Rollins beat down McIntyre, before McIntyre suffer that Shield powerbomb. That gets a “ONE MORE TIME” chant from the crowd, and then The Shield surround the ring, with Corbin right in the center. Superkick, Superman Punch, Dirty Deeds, and now for “ONE LAST TIME,” the Shield powerbomb. Reigns coveres Corbin, and The Shield wins.

You can watch this year’s Fastlane on the WWE Network.

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